又蠢又丧,活在梦里

最近回忆童年刷魔卡少女樱,无意中搜出来一篇桃月文,然后一个曾经吃月樱的人被硬生生拉进桃月的大坑。截下几个个人喜欢片段,第一次吃桃月体内的洪荒之力实在不受控制就试图翻译了一下。

A Guardian's Heart  

by MorganD

原文:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/333979/1/A-Guardian-s-Heart

1.

"So the next time he slept over, I made him dress it," Touya grinned in remembrance. "I had to see him in that thing."

"He loved it," Yue grunted.

"I know. Those pajamas seem to have been made for him. But still..." The boy frowned. "It was all wrong. It was very, very wrong, and I had no idea why. Not until I saw you."

The Guardian glanced at him by the corner of the eye.

"Only then I realized... I was looking at Yuki and seeing you. Sensing you. And no one in his right mind would ever dress you in bunny pajamas, Yue."

The tone, so soft and warm, with a tinge of amusement... so familiar. 

"You did."

"I had to prove my point," Touya argued. "I look at him and you, and I see one person alone. One person with a half-time amnesia, but only one. Now I understand why you call Yuki your false form. He's very true and real. The false thing about him is the impression that he's not you, but only a mask. In the end, you are the mask. He's your true heart, in a false form. It's absolutely puzzling, I could never think of a better disguise."

Yue was dizzy. "What?"

"I'm guessing, remember? All clues you gave me tell me that you and Yuki are the same. Although that doesn't explain why he acts so weird sometimes."The Moon Guardian tried to digest that. He was the non-human with strange powers, giant wings and feline eyes, and Touya thought Yukito was the weird one?!

"Are you at least telling me my score in the game?" Touya nudged him.

This conversation was giving Yue a headache. Yukito, his true heart? Of all weird concepts...


“之后他来过夜的时候,我让他穿上了那件衣服。”桃矢一边回忆一边笑着,“我得看看他穿那件衣服。”

“他喜欢那件衣服。”月嘟哝着。

“我知道。那些睡衣看起来就像是为他量身定做的,但是…”桃矢皱紧眉头,“但是我总感觉有什么不对,而我却无法说明原因。直到我见到了你。”

守护者眼角的余光落到了他的身上。

“那之后,我意识到…我一直在透过雪兔看着你,感觉到你。没有一个正常人会让你穿兔子睡衣的,月。”他的语调轻柔温暖,略带一些愉悦,如此熟悉。

“你确实这么做了。”

“我必须证明我的观点,”桃矢辩解道,“我看着你们,只看到一个人。一个常出现记忆断片的人,但只有一个。现在我明白了为什么你把阿雪称为你的假身份,他的存在如此真实,其实真正虚假的是“他不是你,只是一个面具”的印象。其结果证明你才是那个面具,他才具有在伪装形态下你真实的心。这极具有迷惑性,我想不出比这更好的伪装。”

月感到有些眩晕,“什么?”

“我们还在玩猜测游戏,忘了吗?你给我的所有线索都告诉我你和阿雪是同一个人,即使这仍然不能解释他古怪的行为。”象征着月亮的守护者尝试理解他所听到的每一句话。他非人类的特质很明显:神秘的力量、巨大的翅膀和猫科动物一般的眼睛,而桃矢认为雪兔才是奇怪的那一个?!

“你能告诉我在这场游戏中的得分吗?”桃矢用手肘推了推他。这场对话让月感到头疼。雪兔,他真实的心?多么奇怪的想法…

2.

"I know. You enjoy dreaming of Yuki." Touya saw a protest forming in the Guardian's lips and cut him off. "How much of your time do you spend as him? You don't come out that often, do you? Not if Sakura doesn't need you. Yuki doesn't really know what anguish and pain means. Without your memories he has very little life experience, and what he told me about his grandparents and his childhood is so peaceful and sappy. He has no idea of how it feels to lose someone you love." Remembering that his hand was still on Yue's, he intertwined his fingers with the angel's. "You traded your memories for pleasant dreams. I can't really blame you for that."

 “我知道,你享受着梦见雪兔。”桃矢看见月准备发出抗议将他打断。“你和他在一起多久了?你不常出来对吗?如果不是小樱需要你。阿雪并不真正明白痛苦的含义,没有你的记忆,他几乎没有生活经历,他告诉我的关于他的祖父母和他童年的记忆平和而生动,但他不明白失去一个你深爱的人是什么感觉。”他的手依然放在月的手上,并且与月的手指纠缠在一起。“你用你的记忆换来愉快的梦境,这无可厚非。”

3.

"It has nothing to do with magic," Touya soothed him, afraid that he had clumsily scared his silver bird away already. "I can see you because... you and I are very much alike."


"You mean you and Yukito," Yue replied defensively.


Touya's brows knitted together. "Everyone says Yuki and I have nothing in common but soccer. I knew they're wrong, but honestly I couldn't tell why. Not until I saw you for the first time." That had presented a delicious enigma for Touya. He knew Yuki like the palm of his hand, but with all sincerity,didn't understand him. The kind gray-haired boy carried his heart exposed in his face, hardly bothering to hide his feelings from anyone... only it was impossible to make any sense of them. In other words, Touya could easily say what Yuki's reactions would be at any time, but those were not what Touya thought they should be.  


Conversely, Yue emanated a thick aura of mystery, mysticism, dubious intentions and past passions, bewitching the very few privileged witnesses of his manifestations on this world with the unbearable beauty and aloofness of the moon. 


Touya approached the Guardian with frightened steps, half-expecting to be swallowed at any minute by the bottomless depths of the night dark the angel drifted over... but the fearful silence of that foggy dimension felt stunningly familiar. Understanding Yue was just as easy -- or just as hard -- as understanding himself.


"You," Touya murmured fondly. "What Yuki and I have in common is you."


Another utter absurdity... which reached Yue's ears as an ancient song he seemed to know by heart. A Moon song. A Moon truth. "Open your eyes," it chanted secretly. "See him."


 “这与魔力无关,”桃矢宽慰地说,生怕他已经笨拙地吓走了这位银色天使,“我能看到你是因为…我们非常相似。”

“你是说,你和雪兔。”月冷冷地回答道。

桃矢皱紧了眉头。“所有人都认为我和雪兔之间唯一的共同点就是足球。但我知道他们错了,而我不知道为什么,直到我第一次看到你。”这件事对桃矢而言是一个饶有趣味的未解之谜,他熟悉雪兔,就如同熟悉他的手掌,但平心而论,他不了解他。这位和蔼的灰发男孩对自己的情感毫不隐瞒,然而你却无法读懂这些情感。换句话说,桃矢随时可以轻易推测出雪兔的反应将会是什么,而无法得知他的反应应该是什么。相反,月总是散发着浓重的神秘气息。神秘感,暧昧的意图以及过往的热情,无法言喻的美,如月亮般的冷漠与超然蛊惑着这世界上为数不多有幸见证他存在的人。桃矢小心翼翼地接近这位守护者,怀着一丝随时可能被从这位天使身上流露出如同漆黑的夜空般的无底深渊吞噬的期待,但那朦胧维度中可怕的沉默却让人感到令人震惊的熟悉。理解月就像理解他自己一样简单,一样困难。

“你,”桃矢温柔地低语,“雪兔和我的共同点是你。”

又是一个彻头彻尾的谬论。它就像一首古老的,早已被铭记于心的歌谣一般传入月的耳朵。一首属于月亮的歌,一个属于月亮的真实。“睁开你的眼睛,”这首歌悄悄地唱着,“看着他。”

4.

Obeying the silent chant in his soul, he took To-ya's hand to his lips and kissed the warm, tender fingers. Too late to be scared. Certain calls simply couldn't be ignored.Touya's heart throbbed in his chest. The image of an old photo popped up in his mind... a shy deer eating trustingly from Kinomoto Nadeshiko's hand...His frightened bird wasn't flying away. Touya couldn't tell if all misunderstandings had been finally cleared up, but in his vacillating blabbering Yue had found a reason to stay. "Beautiful," he breathed.


Yue gazed up at him, for a moment looking just as clueless as Yuki would have been in his place.


"You, silly angel," Touya clarified.


"I'm not an angel," Yue corrected him.


Heresy... "Will you admit that you're beautiful and silly then?"


A second too late Touya realized that he was being scaringly clever again. But Yue's reaction this time was the last he -- or anyone who knew Yue, for that matter -- would have expected. "Oops," whispered the Moon Guardian with the cutest smile ever.


Yue was right, he was no angel. An angel wouldn't be so devilish to dare putting Kinomoto Touya in "hanyaan" mode. The dark-haired boy had to summon all his strength and sense of ridiculous to preserve his composure and keep himself from blurting out the embarrassing interjection.


 遵从他灵魂深处无声的歌谣,他抓起桃矢的手,放在嘴唇上,亲吻他温暖柔软的手指。惊诧来得太迟,某些需求难以忽略。桃矢的心脏在胸腔中猛烈地跳动着,一张老照片突然涌现在他的脑海里——一只害羞的鹿正安心的吃着木之本抚子手中的草。他受惊吓的鸟并没有飞走,桃矢不知是否所有的误解最终都得到消除,但在他不靠谱的胡言乱语中,月找到了留下的理由。“真美。”他深吸了一口气。

月凝视着他,有那么一瞬间看起来如同本应代替他的雪兔一般天真无害。

“你个傻天使。”桃矢说。

“我不是天使。”月纠正他。异端邪说…“那你承认你既美丽又愚蠢咯?”下一秒,桃矢立马意识到自己又开始了危险的自作聪明。然而月的反应,是他,是所有认识月的人都意想不到的。“噢。”月带着他有史以来最可爱的微笑低语。

月是对的,他不是天使。一个天使不可能恶魔般的将木之本桃矢带入“陶醉”模式。黑发男孩必须用他全部的力量保持理智,让他不脱口而出尴尬的感叹。

5.

Yue's shoulders dropped. "One of the purposes of Clow's spell is to protect Yukito," he said defensively. "That's why I don't wish to break it. All I want is to spare him from the burden of my memories."


Touya's amusement was unmistakable. "You mean, YOU want to protect YOURSELF from your OWN memories."


Yue looked away, embarrassed. "It's a way to put it." Just not his favorite one.


"I don't kiss that bad, you know," the human boy chuckled. "I don't think it would be such a burden on your memory."


"To-ya?" The blush on the angel's cheeks clashed beautifully with his pale skin.


"Can you promise me this?" Touya asked softly, taking that burning face between his hands. "That when Yuki wakes up, he'll remember I kissed him on the top of the chapel tower?"


Vertigo. For a moment Yue felt so dazed and frightened that he couldn't even tell up from down, and his fingers instinctively flew to grasp the hem of To-ya's shirt. This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening. He hadn't heard well, To-ya wasn't going to... he couldn't possibly be intending to...


But then why was To-ya holding his face with such care and... expectation?


He was going to... he was. All Yue had to do was to promise...


The Moon Guardian closed his eyes in terror.Promise to share that moment with Tsukishiro Yukito.And that irremediably meant starting to break Clow's spell. Raising the curtain between the two personas, downing the shields. Letting his false form pry into his true heart... or letting the true heart pry into the mask's thoughts? Which alternative was more disturbing?


 月放下肩膀,“库洛施咒的原因之一是想保护雪兔,”他带着抵御的口吻说,“这就是为什么我不想打破它。我只想将他和我沉重的记忆隔开。”

桃矢明显被逗笑了,“你是说,你想从你自己的记忆中保护你自己。”

月尴尬地别过脸,“也可以这么说。”只是他不喜欢这么说。

“我接吻的技术不那么糟糕,”人类男孩轻笑道,“我觉得这不会给你的记忆造成多么沉重的负担。”

“桃…矢?”天使脸上的红晕与他苍白的皮肤形成鲜明的对比,甚是好看。

“你能向我保证吗?”桃矢双手捧着月发烫的脸轻柔地问,“当阿雪醒来时,他会记得我在教堂塔上吻过他。”

眩晕。这一刻,惶惑与惊诧让月感到天旋地转,他的手指本能地拽紧桃矢的衣角。这不会发生的,这不可能发生,一定是他没有听清楚,桃矢不会…他不会,也不可能打算……但是为什么桃矢会如此谨慎而又期待地捧着他的脸……

他准备……他确实打算这么做。月唯一能做的只能给出保证。守护者惶恐不安地闭上了眼睛,承诺他会与月城雪兔分享这一刻。这意味着库洛的魔咒不可避免地被打破。拉起挡在两个人格之间的幕帘,撤下厚盾,让他的假身份进入他真实的心…或者是让真实的自己窥探面具的思想?哪一个选择更令人不安?

就此打住吧。否则就要变成全篇翻译了【远目】。这算是卖安利(?)。很愉快看完全篇,庆幸随便一打开就是一篇如此对口味的文。作者对雪兔,桃矢,月三者之间的关系拿捏十分对味,对守护者与主人之间关系的探索也很深刻(例如文中对主人是否会根据需要创造新守护者的探讨,主仆关系的讨论等)。我从以前开始就一直没有将月和雪兔分开看待,他们在我眼中是两位一体,互为表里,共属一心,正如作者所说,他们互为面具。我知道很多人将他们作为两个独立的人格分开看待,毕竟月还对库洛有所眷恋,但是,有没有一种可能最终月会找到新的归属呢?或许,已经找到了呢~
 

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